A Canuckalisk Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas in the Canuckalisk Den,
No sane creature would stir there - or even Chretien.
For the stalking Lair guards were all primed to attack.
(In hopes that St. Nicholas would provide a light snack!)
The rest of the bugs were all snug in their rugs.
Their vision had cut out after twelve beer-filled mugs.
And Cydric, the King's chance'lor, and I, Turtle, too,
Had just settled down. There was naught else to do.
When down in the Throne Room, a clatter was heard,
Followed by "Clinton!" (a strong Zerg swear word)
Away to the chamber I flew like a rock.
Zerglings can't fly. It was more like a walk.
What I saw in that room! It made my claws curl.
It was a sleigh led by former Spice Girls -
With Ravil at the reins, along for the ride.
Don't ask me how he got all this stuff inside.
More rapid than eagles his curses they came,
And he whipped them and scorned them, and called them by name:
"No, Scary! No, Sporty! No, Baby and Posh Spice!
(And Ginger, ex-member, but she's not without price).
Not the top of the charts! Not the top of the rates!
Your conquest has ended! I'LL take over the States!"
With his tirade completed and captives berated,
Ravil hailed me in greeting, somewhat belated.
And then, eye a-twinkling in the most fearsome way,
He reached for something in the back of the sleigh.
As I drew in my head, expecting his wrath,
My commander surprised me instead - with a laugh!
"HO HO HO, General! I've a present for you.
It's for excellent service. I'd say it's past due."
A bundle of sorts he did fling at my snout.
Though I felt like a meddler, I dared check it out.
My eyes - how they glistened; a signal of pleasure!
Leslie Nielson, the star; his head was the treasure.
His droll little mouth was drawn up in a bow,
With a "Scratch 'n' Win" ticket. Now how did Rav know?
"And for Cydric my aide - that bowl full of jelly! -
I made for a side trip on a raid to L.A.
He'll be jolly to hear that Disney is willin'
To use him part-time as their newest villian."
I spoke not a word, and though glad to hear it,
Ravil wasn't himself. No evil spirit...
But as I watched with a sense of relief,
His actions destroyed my dumbfounded belief.
He sprang to his throne, to his guards gave a whistle,
And I was led away like a dog after gristle.
And I heard him exclaim, ere he drove me from sight...
"Say anything at all, and you're out like a light!"
Merry Christmas everyone!