Zerg Canadian information Zerg Canadian Information

The Zerg Canadians were originally created by Ravil as a joke/flame post on the Pilot's Lounge, in response to some idiot who was saying that the United States should take over Canada. A lot of people (including the original poster) responded saying how hilarious the reply post was. For a while Ravil used the Zerg Canadians as a tool to end the first big U.S. vs Canada flame war on the Pilot's Lounge. After CWAL abandoned that place, the Zerg Canadians found a new home in the CWAL Universe, where they have been warmly welcomed.

So far the Zerg Canadian cast has been kept down to a small, manageable size. What there is will be posted below, plus a few extras, to make us look bigger and more important. And yes, the cast list template is a slightly-modified rip-off from Operation CWAL. So sue us.

November 2001 note - just looking back at this brings up old memories. And vomit. I was so cheesy. Pray forgive, gentle readers. Most of this information has changed or is irrelevant at this point, since the Zerg Canadians have been disbanded and these pages are only up for posterity's sake. -Ravil

Title listings:
A : Alien (Non-Zerg, Non-Terran)
E : Extra characters (not based on anyone in the forums)
F : Founder (Leader)
Fe: Female
T : Terran
W : Writer
Z : Zerg
? : Unknown

Zerg Canadian Cast List
In alphabetical order

Canuckalisks, The *E* *Z* : The military backbone of the Zerg Canadians. Believed to be a strain of modified Ultralisk, these behemoths spell doom for the vast majority of their enemies. Unfortunately, they have a brain the size of a walnut. All of the usual Ultralisk abilities apply, only Canuckalisks have a few advantages. Aside from being VERY prominent at burrowing and tunneling, they also can produce a sticky mucous not unlike the Queen's Ensnare spell.

Canuckalisk Geek *E* *Z* : The Zerg Canadians' sole scientist, Geek is a close associate of General Turtle. Delves into all manner of bizarre genetic experiments to bolster the military prowess of the Zerg Canadians. Geek was the creator of the Surralisks. Wears glasses, which are often stolen by the other Canuckalisks as a joke. Gets beaten up and has his lunch money stolen a lot.

Cydric *W* *Z* : The Chancellor of the Canuckalisks, and one of its founding forces. Cydric is a Defiler, and seemingly a young one at that. Loves to use his Dark Swarm spell, but has all of the regular Defiler abilities (though he's never tried to Consume a Canuckalisk...yet). Has a tendency to whine a lot. Obsessed with going to Disneyland. Not quite as dumb as he sounds. :)

Dorris *C* *E* *?*: Dorris is an infested mule that is ridden by Palin. Dorris somehow possesses powers in the force and can do a number of extroardinary things. Half the time, he sounds like a mule. But the odd time you'll catch him speaking English. Dorris is immortal.

DarkWich *E* *S*: The Dark Wich is a mysterious and ancient sandwich. According to Palin, it was the first sandwich and was brought back to life by necromancers for dark purposes. It seems to have some mind control power that only works on extra characters.

Infested Aura *Fe* *?/Z* : An Aura from another dimension, she was accidently infested by the Cydric of that universe when he miscast a Plague spell. Accidently tossed into this universe, her powerful Zerg instincts made her seek out the strongest Brood on the planet...the Zerg Canadians. Has all of the regular Aura's abilities, including the abilitiy to vaporize enemies with her eyes. Serves Ravil loyally by impulse, but longs for the day when she can release herself from her infestation and kill him. Speaks with an Old English accent.

Palin *W* *?/Z* : Nobody knows quite where he came from, or why. He's an Infested Dwarf that joined the Zerg Canadians since he had nothing better to do. He has the abilities to materialize bricks out of thin air, which he then throws at potential opponents. Speaks with a Scottish accent, and rides a mule.

Ravil *F* *W* *Z* : The omnipotent King of the Canuckalisks. Ravil is a Hunter-Killer-class Hydralisk, originally banished to Earth from the rest of the Swarm due to his incompotence during an attack. He believes that by conquering the United States, he will be able to redeem himself in the eyes of the Overmind. Very long-winded, making extravagant speeches at every turn. He cannot read or write in the slightest. Uses his claws in combat more than his Needles Spines, though he has both readily avalible. Enjoys a good game of golf occasionally, as long as he has threatened to kill his opponent before playing.

  • At the 1999 CWAL Awards, Ravil won the following awards (not including those given to stories):
    Best Subgroup Writer Best Mid-Period Writer Best Writer
    November 2001 note - Please note that Ravil was a fucking egomaniac when he first wrote this. Ignore the two-year-old awards. Leach was on heroin when he was doing the tallying. -Ravil

    Sofielisk *Fe* *W* *Z* : A Modified Hydralisk with three distinct cat personalities: Sofie, who is evil and manipulative, Sassy, who is a mad professor, and Jasmine, who is a total 'do-gooder. Used Canuckalisk Crapİ once to bury Hunt Valley. Like Ravil, her wish is to one day take over the entire world, and is willing to do anything to reach her goal. She was killed in a horrible fashion some time ago, but was ressurected with Ravil's help. She has now joined the Zerg Canadians, though the only real position she holds is that of Ravil's mate.

    Surralisks, The *E* *Z* : The air power of the Zerg Canadians, the Surralisks (named after Surrey, B.C., for anybody who cares) are a mutated strain of Mutalisk. Smaller, faster, and more deadly, they alone control the skies for King Ravil's glory. When not whipping through the air, though, they have the misfortune of being strapped to the backs of Canuckalisks for transportation underground.

    TurtleToo *W* *Z* : The feared General of the Canuckalisks, Turtle is the one that leads the armies of the Zerg Canadians into battle against its enemies. He was originally a Canuckalisk, but was born with a birth defect that allowed his brain to grow beyond the size of a walnut. He was made fun of by the other Canuckalisks during his childhood for being able to count. It was his capability for rational thought more than anything that led to Ravil promoting him to General. However, an accident involving Turtle, a can of whipped cream, a cigarette butt, and a misfired Nydus Canal transformed him. He is now a very temperamental Zergling with an unrelenting addiction to cigars. Extremely cunning and dangerous.


    Operation CWAL

    Since CWAL is so big, I won't bother putting up the descriptions for all of them. You can check them out HERE. I will, however, include bios for those who are of major relevance to the Zerg Canadians. With a little bit of luck, more names will be added to this list as time progresses.
    November 2001 note - Actually, it didn't get any bigger because nobody cared to have much to do with us. -Ravil

    Fjorxc *T* *W* : An official for the Dominion of Canada. In reality, he is a maniac with a bad memory. Likes to use his Orca (from Command & Conquer) to nuke stuff. Uses a Walther PPK. ALWAYS wears his flight helmet. Has an intense fear of light blue-colored alpacas named Bob. Also note his Orca has a prankster computer running it called Eddie.

    Fron *T* *W* : The charismatic Emperor of the Dominion of Canada. Has cooperated with Ravil on past occasions in the Hydralisk's attempts to invade the United States. Enjoys fighting with a .44 in one hand and an electric cattle prod in the other. Loves to drive, but is very bad at it, partly because he mistakes Miles per Hour on the Speedometer for Kilometers per Hour.

    Bad Guys

    The United States

    Avenger *A* : An infamous Protoss Templar. Avenger is a cunning Templar warrior, extremely adept in combat. Hates CWAL's Dark Chrono for some reason. Travels in a Scout craft. Currently in the employ of the United States government, which calls upon his skills regularly. Has a secret agenda of his own, however. Very potent psionic powers make him a force to be reckoned with.
    November 2001 note - Oddly enough, he only appeared once, in a story that was never actually released. Somebody remind me what the hell he's doing on this list. -Ravil

    Customs Officers *E* *T* : Since the Zerg Canadians spend most of their time crossing the Canada/U.S. border, these goons manage to play quite a roll in the story. Believed to be closely related to the Blizzard HQ Security Guard in terms of intelligence. Quite sadistic, and enjoy making passer-bys go through hell and back before reaching their destination.

    President, The *F* *T* : The President of the United States. Not really the founder, but certainly the leader. Enjoys playing StarCraft in his spare time (among other things), though he's not very good. Although he may be the "leader of the free world", he's not quite so smart without his speech-writers and advisors. Rather frivolous with money and other people's lives.

    Secret Service Agents *E* *T* : Of course, you can't have a story involving the President of the United States without having the Secret Service in there, now can you? They kind of go arm-in-arm. Anyway, the Secret Service is the ultra-efficient organization dedicated to the protection of their President. Cunning, ruthless, and deadly. Also have an uncanny ability for making people "disappear". Worship the movie "In the Line of Fire" almost as much as they do their President.


    Voice *E* *?*: Voice is a dark spirit from long ago. He becomes more powerful every time a CWALer (non-cannon fodder) dies. He is the master of limbo and is amazed by every new invention from sliced bread to iced coffee. Very, VERY EVIL.

    Shadows in the Hive(SITH) *E**A*: The Shadows in the Hive are the direct descendants of the first Zerg. Long ago, they were sealed on the Zerg homeworld of Zerus. Through the centuries, they adapted, they evolved, they became the Shadows. Freeing themselves from their prison, they discoverd the Overmind and the races that it had infested. Since they are adept at stealth, they were chosen as the guardians of the Zerg, the inner police. November 2001 note - Love the acronym, Palin! -Ravil

    Miscellaneous Information

    If you're reading this section, and haven't flipped away to look at something more worthwhile, then I'll operate under the assumption that you're thinking of using us in a story. Don't worry...I'm not going to lay out a "what to do and not to do" list like Mz. But I will post some otherwise useless information and guidelines for your collective benefits. Enjoy. :)

    • The Zerg Canadians were originally a part of the Swarm, until a mysterious incident (to be revealed in a future story) on Char caused the Overmind to think twice about keeping such a rebellious Hydralisk and his troops under its command. Rather than waste time killing them off, the Overmind banished Ravil's group of misfits. After many adventures in the stars, they were chased to Earth by an angry MAGGOTT.
    • They landed in California in November 1997, and after a disastorous stop in Sacramento, headed north to western Canada.
    • They have excavated a large series of caverns beneath the Alberta Praries, known as the Underground Lair.
    • Affiliations
      • The Dominion of Canada - The Zerg Canadians currently are in a state of peace with Fron's Dominion of Canada. They have been known to cooperate with eachother on past occasions.
      • Operation CWAL - Not at war, although several battles/skirmishes have been fought between the two groups. The foremost of these was the Canuckalisk invasion of Irvine.
      • The United States - The Zerg Canadians are in a state of all-out WAR with the U.S.A. However, since no official document was sent, filed, and shuffled through two hundred bureaucrats, nobody south of the border either knows or cares.
      • Special Projects
          The Canuckalisk Geek is hard at work on several continuing projects:

        • Canuckalisk Crap - The droppings from Canuckalisks compose an extremely unique substance. As for details about the Crap, we aren't exactly sure. It may or may not be radioactive...when we put a geiger-muller counter near it, the counter exploded. When we attempted to measure toxicity, the meter evaporated. And it may or may not be edible, but when we fed it to Jolt, he turned into a goat.

        • Canuckalisk Elite - The best and brightest of the Canuckalisk warriors (though that's not saying much at all). Aside from being exceptionally intelligent and strong, they are also currently training to weild arcane magical powers.

        • Return to the ZERG CANADIAN main page.